


Catboy (CATMAN) Elias

by Gia_my_roommate



Series: Written by someone who has not listened to TMA [8]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Bully Elias Bouchard, Catboy Elias, Crack, M/M, Martin’s tea suffers, not beta’d
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25632934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gia_my_roommate/pseuds/Gia_my_roommate
Summary: Elias is a catboy. I just wrote this because I wanted to write catboy Elias, so that is what I did. He knocks shit off tables and says nyah. Also is an asshole to Jon and Martin.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Series: Written by someone who has not listened to TMA [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729438
Comments: 13
Kudos: 32





	Catboy (CATMAN) Elias

When Jonah, James, whatever name you preferred, choose the beanie wearing Elias Bouchard to be his body, he didn’t feel the need to dig too deeply.

Just the usual making sure no one would miss the horrid archival assistant nor look too deeply in a change in behavior.

Honestly, not knowing about the extra pair of cat-like ears and the fluffy tail was embarrassing, especially as an avatar of the Beholding. 

He took it all in stride of course, getting his pants tailored so his fluffy tail wouldn’t be under strain and getting piercings on the fluffy ears to match bis aesthetic.

Elias Knew that the breed of cat he most resembled was a Maine Coon. A rather large, and hairy, breed of cat with ears on the pointy side.

Luckily, some grooming products had made it possible to at least style all of the fluff.

Even better, it was all on the Lukas card. Peter did have his uses, now and again.

“Elias do you really need eighteen different kinds of brushes?” Peter asked as they were out shopping. He liked to come along because Elias would only talk to him when he needed Peter’s credit card. It made Peter feel incredibly uncared for.

“Peter, do you see these?” Elias pointed to his big cat ears, looking through his shampoo options.

“They’re hard to miss, kitty-boo.” Peter jovially confirmed as Elias began to narrow his choices.

“And they need to be brushed and cared for. Do you see all the wild hair on them? Honestly, the previous occupant of this body was hardly caring for them at all!” Elias complained, before deciding to purchase three different kinds of shampoo.

“Now,” Elias turned around “go check out. I’ll be next door, the jewelers has some lovely cats eye jewelry I simply must have.” 

As he turned, Elias felt the over whelming urge to push over the glass bowl filled with bath bombs. So he did. 

“Oh, and pay for those too.” Elias said as Peter gave a hardy laugh. 

Being a catman (he would never call himself a catboy or god forbid neko), was an inconvenience at best and embarrassing at worst. 

Luckily Elias wasn’t easily embarrassed.

. . .

Elias was a fan of performance reviews, they made for an excellent chance to feed the Eye.

There was a knock at his office door by Tim, who was late to his performance review. 

“Hey double boss, I’m here for my performance review! Sorry I’m late.” Tim entered without permission. “I just wanted to pick something up as an apology for being late.”

Tim threw some catnip at him, which Elias caught with ease.

Despite his instincts screaming to put the catnip to his face and play with it, he simply glared and put it in his desk drawer for later.

“Please, sit down Mr.Stoker.” Elias instructed, aware that his tail was flickering happily behind him and of the slight purr coming from his throat as he spoke.

Tim sat down, a smug look on his face.

Elias began his review, which would lead up to bringing up Tim’s love of food porn when Tim pulled a laser pointer out of his pocket. It was a cheap thing that would have a battery life of a few hours at best, but it would do the job Tim had planned.

He made a red dot appear near Elias’ pencil holder, and Elias instinctively smacked it with his hand. 

Tim laughed and moved the laser. Quickly the situation escalated to Elias on the desk pouncing after the laser.

“DIE!” Elias hissed, summoning the full power of the Watcher to him to understand how to defeat the dot.

Tim dropped the laser pointer, falling out of the chair with laughter.

“Holy shit!” Tim was clutching his stomach.

Elias turned his gaze to Tim, barely able to contain his rage and stop himself from killing one of the archival assistants.

“How would you like to feel what Danny went through, nyah?” 

. . .

Elias was walking to his archivist’s office when he noticed the cup of tea at the edge of Martin’s desk.

“Elias please no-“ Martin began to beg as he saw Elias approach. 

“Nyah~” Elias pushed it off as he walked, making direct eye contact.

The cup shattered as it hit the ground.

“why?” Martin whispered.

. . .

Jon didn’t like how often dead things with statements stuffed in them appeared at his office door, but most of the time it wasn’t an issue.

He didn’t have an evidence it was Elias, but everyone knew it was Elias.

Despite this common occurrence, he did not expect to find Leitner in said state with Elias sitting over him when he got back from taking a smoke.

Elias was clearly caught up in licking the back of his hand, cleaning the blood off of himself.

Elias froze when he noticed Jon.

“Archivist, this is nyaht what it looks like.” Elias said.

Jon shut the door and went out for another smoke.

. . .

“Can you distract Elias?” Basira asked

“I’ve got this!” Martin nodded, heading towards the break room where Elias was taking all of the sweets Martin and brought for everyone.

“Whoops!” Martin shouted as turned the nobs of the shitty sink before ripping out the faucet head. “My bad, Elias!”

Water spewed everywhere. 

“HISSSS!” Elias jumped up on the table as water began to pool on the ground. “Martin! Fix that!” 

“Sorry Elias, I’m not a plumber!” Martin smirked before heading back out of the break room. 

Martin did not expect Elias to leap at him and cling to his head, but it happened. 

“Why?!” Martin shouted as he went down into a puddle of water.

Elias jumped from him to the door, barely a drop on him. 

Elias licked the back of his hand before grooming his hair, making direct eye contact with Martin.

. . . 

“Elias, stop that please.” Jon sighed as Elias once more knocked his tape recorder off the desk.

Jon picked the tape recorder up and put it back on the desk.

“Apologies, continue on with taking my statement.” Elias said while pushing the tape recorder off the desk again.

. . .

“Peter, I need you to do me a favor and run the institute for a while.” Elias spoke while rubbing the bag of catnip around his face.

“Oh? Let me guess,” Peter began smugly, “you finally are being arrested for your crimes? Evidence of you murdering Leitner? Tax evasion? Oh or maybe you were caught licking your private parts in public? Oh woe is me! My husband is going to jail for months on end and going to replace me with some buff prison man!” 

“Stop that. If you must Know,”

“I really don’t, dearest.” Peter interrupted

“Martin has rigged several fake mice for my to hunt, and it will take me at least a month to catch them all and break their necks.” Elias informed his husband.  
. . .

Elias knew his husband had a cat-man fetish.

They were sitting on the couch, watching Naked Dating, when Peter began to scritch one of Elias’ cat ears.

“Nyah~” Elias purred. 

“Nyah?” Peter asked, amused. He was rubbing the base of Elias’ tail now. Elias felt a purr in the back of his throat but tried to contain it, not wanting to encourage Peter. 

“Yes, you know...like...nyah.” Elias tried to slap Peter’s hand away from his tail. “Now stop rubbing my tail! You’ll mess it up.” 

Elias gave a little hiss as Peter rubbed harder and scratched Peter’s cheek with his claws, drawing blood.

“Nyahver try to institute sex by rubbing my tail, you brute.” Elias said before bringing Peter into a kiss. 

“I’ll give you a blow job if you keep saying Nyah during it.” Peter offered.

Elias found there were many perks that came with being a cat-man. 

“Deal.” Elias smirked and watched Peter’s expression as he discovered Elias had a barbed penis.


End file.
